Your Ex-Lover is Dead- Stars

when theres nothing left to burn, you must set yourself on fire

god that was strange to see you again
introduced by a friend of a friend
smiled and said 'yes i think we've met before'
in that instant it started to pour,
captured a taxi despite all the rain
we drove in silence across pont champlain
and all of the time you thought i was sad
i was trying to remember your name...

this scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
now you're outside me
you see all the beauty
repent all your sin

it's nothing but time and a face that you lose
i chose to feel it and you couldn't chose
i'll write you a postcard
i'll send you the news
from a house down the road from real love...

live through this, and you won't look back...
live through this, and you won't look back...
live through this, and you won't look back...

there's one thing i want to say, so i'll be brave
you were what i wanted
i gave what i gave
i'm not sorry i met you
i'm not sorry it's over
i'm not sorry there's nothing to say

i'm not sorry there's nothing to say...

most unfortunately, i did not get my bed that weekend. =(
york decided to fuck me nice and hard and give me a take home exam on top of my other exams and so i decided i would be better served studying rather than reorganizing my room.
here is my exam schedule:
i got my take home exam on weds the 2nd. it consists of 2 essays.
take home exam for british history: due monday the 7th
administrative study: 3 hour exam on tues the 8th
accounting: 3 hour exam on weds the 9th
ancient greece and rome exam: 2 hour exam on friday the 11th
at least this means that all my exams are done in the first week. that makes me happy. and i have a lot to look forward to in the next month. i have my cousins confirmation in the evening on the 7th. i have a wedding to go to (my first time going to a wedding without my parents!!!) with natasia, love of my life, on the 12th. i have the collective soul concert on the 18th at casino rama. im going with my poppa and my uncle. ive never even been to a casino, so im fucking super psyched! and then on the 25th its pauls sisters 24th (?) birthday party and i have been invited to attend it. its going to be at the foxes den (strip club, love love love). and it just so happens that the strip club was bought out and is closing down (boourns) but thats the last weekend, so you know its gonna be one hell of a party! in between all these events there will be much chillage with my friendlies, much sex and the city with my girlies (gotsta prepare tina for the movie), and hopefully a lot of time at work, since i desperately need the money for the pair of $110 shoes i will probably be buying in the next couple days. why spend that much on shoes? because i dont know if i can help myself and i really REALLY want them lol. ill get an opinion on them....see if theyre worth the cash....but i want them so effin badly! haha
anyhow, i should prolly go start lunch and then start on my second essay for the take home exam. toodles <3

oh my lord. i am so freakin bored. =(
im sitting in my admin class listening to this prof drone on and on. i really dont care about any of this stuff. im thinking of switching into anthropology next year...i just need to make sure im not gonna loose all the credits ive earned thus far. urgh. i hate school...and yet i dont know what imma do once it ends. i cant stand staying in my condo very often. cabin fever sets in fairly quickly for me, unless there is someone around. i might just pick up a second job. i guess it depends how much chillage there will be this summer.
i finally get my new bed this weekend!!! i dont think ive ever been so excited for a bed in my whole life, lol. its this super cute ikea bed with drawers underneath so i can actually have places to store all my crap. in all fairness, im getting rid of a lot of my crap. im prolly getting rid of all/most of my stuffed animals...=(. well, i am 20...what do i need them all for? ill keep a couple of the uber special ones, like my gundy bear from when i was little, and like cuddles...the teddy bear i got when i was in the hospital...but most of em are going. its gonna suck lol.
paul has promised to come and help me clean out my room =) that should be interesting. haha. hes gonna get to come and go through all of my shit. im sure i will be horribly embarassed at some point, but i will be incrediably grateful for the help and he will help me with moral support when throwing all my shit out. i must admit i am quite the packmule. not because i think i will ever use half of what i have ever again, but rather because i put such sentimental importance in everything i own. shit, i have a price tag from my first day working at shoppers bc jeff stuck it to me as a joke, lol. i still have my uniform from when i worked at the movie theatre. lol. i have notes from grade 9! (i dont think imma get rid of those anyhow lol, theyre hillarious to read). i have a backpack overflowing with old journals. what do i need all this crap for? well...i need to organize it at least. the bed is only the first step. then imma need a dresser...but i dont have the cash for that yet. so now, we focus on the bed and making room in my room and cleaning out the closet so i can actually fit crap in it....then in a few months once i have some money saved i shall attack a new dresser lol.
this class will never fucking end! its 10 to 10am...this class doesnt end until 11:30 =( well...sometimes he lets us out at 11. i hope so, cuz im hella hungry and mini-eggs and frootloops are not filling me up.
urgh, okay...i gotta find something to do.

so a while back, my friend lorenzo introduced me to a little lady named storm large. now, although i do love several of her songs, my absolute favorite will always be her version of the song Anything, Anything...which she performed on Rockstar Supernova. well, i feel like writing out the lyrics today.keep in mind that hers is a much shorter than the original version, and since im writing out her version the lyrics are cut lol. and so here i go =) thank you lor!

Anything, Anything
oh yea, what is it tonight?
please just tell me what the hell is wrong
do you wanna eat?
do you wanna sleep?
do you wanna drown?
just settle down
just settle down

ill give you candy, give you diamonds, give you pills
ill give you anything you want, hundred dollar bills
ill even let you watch the shows you wanna see
if you'll just marry me, marry me, marry me

when i was young i learned a game
love and happiness were the same
now im older, i dont play
i found out the hardest way

i got wasted and he got mad
called me names and i called my dad
i go crazy and you do coke
thats why im so into you

ill give you candy, give you diamonds, give you pills
ill give you anything you want, hundred dollar bills
ill even let you hear the songs i wanna sing
ill give you anything, anything, anything
ill give you anything, anything, anything

if you wanna hear her sing the song then you can go to: http://youtube.com/watch?v=h92nPmmKzeM
its so effin good...and shes so damn hot lol. =)

today should be a good day. =) i finally get some decent chill time with my darling linda j.! haha. shes coming with me to hit up Scott Library at york to get some books for my upcomming essay on....get ready....you ready?....BRITISH FOOTBALL HOOLIGANS!!! hahaha tell me thats not the most fabulous history essay of all time! im so excited haha.
but yea man. its day 2 of reading week and thus far ive had some pretty decent chillage...especially if one includes the weekend. saturday night i FINALLY got to chill with zain, linda, elad and shiran and paul joined us once he was done work. omg, played rockband...that game is amazing. im getting it for my sis for her bday lmao. so damn good. sunday was mostly all work and no play, but in all fairness theyve cut my hours like mad so now i dont work for 2 weeks....lucky for me, zains in the same boat, so i have a feeling ill be spending quite a bit of time with him, which is a-ok with me bc zain is so totally rad! haha. <3 but yea, twas all good. paul came by afterwards which was nice...he worked, then went to his friends place (to play rockband haha...the game is taking over the world) and then to my place later on. then yesterday we went to dennys for lunch which was nice since i havent been in forevers. but last night i FINALLY got to chillax with mr.bernstein himself! hahah i havent seen him (minus the 20mins at my bday) since like...what? novemeber? maybe before that...sad isnt it? we just kinda drove around, went out for coffee it was a jolly good time.
then last night i was inspired to download summore say anything songs, which was a supercool move because i really like the rando ones i downloaded haha. (side note: my cat is lying on her back with all four in the air...she looks like a lil slut, bahaha...shes my fave lil retard) urgh, anyhow....i should prolly finish up some laundry and then get dressed and blowdry my hair since im supposed to meet lin at 12:30. im so excited to see her! and then i have dinner at my moms. should be fun. not gonna lie, i miss my sister like crazy even though i just saw her on like saturday ahha. anyhow i shall go. buh-bye! <3

just as i had imagined, gaining a laptop during lectures has made me hungry for something to do, and thus has re-ignited the love affair between myself and livejournal. who wouldve thunk it?
not to say my life is in any way interesting. actually, its the complete opposite, hence the reason im currently ignoring my administrative studies professor and writing a livejournal entry rather than sky diving or being a groupie/roadie for some sick ass band.
the most exciting thing to have happend to me recently was probably my birthday party last friday night. omg, EVERYONE came...well, almost, some people couldnt make it, but its understandable. omg tho, soooo much fun! we had our own little section in the back and there was even a lil dancefloor later on, lol. i will be going to philthy mcnastys again for sure. i had a tad too much to drink. usually i get tipsy off of like 2 strawberry daquiris...the drink list friday night consisted of:
- 4 strawberry daquiris
- 4 or 5 porn star shots (omg, taste like jolly ranchers, soooo yum)
- one shot of liquid cocaine (taste like cinnamon hearts, which are the only good part of valentines day)
- one shot of tequila

needless to say, i was a tad happy. lol. after the tequila i booked it to the washroom, tara reid style, lmao. luckily linda was in there to talk me down from barfdom and i held my cookies and was uber fine. needless to say i didnt continue to drink after that, well, except for water even though john called me a pussy hahaha.
it was wonderful though. i got some really neat presents (despite the fact i begged ppl not to get me ne thing). panacci and al got me this uber cute sweatshirt. on the front it says "whos got it?" and on the back theres a pic of me and it says "donatos got it!" lmfao. i laughed my ass off. just too cute. gwennie got me some fun dice, and zainy <3 got me a cool rando facts book, a charlie brown bobble head and he burned me a cd that i have yet to listen to but will probably love bc zain has the sickest taste in music ever!!! aww and he wrote me a super cute card. gianmarco even stole me a cake from george brown!!! haha
paul even surprised me with a second bday pressie (he had given me a giant teddy bear who we named Crunchy, last weekend on my actual birthday). he came to my place before the party, told me to close my eyes and when i opened them there was a gorgeous tiffanys necklace starring back at me. i told him he was CRAZY and he shook his head and said, "no, now im crazy" and he pulled out the matching bracelet. SOOOO cute.
so that was friday.
saturday i didnt do much. i was kinda hungover (at least i thought i was, now i think i was just sick bc ive been sick since) but i went to work. luckily the supervisor was Jeff, and hed been at the party the night before so he knew how i felt and took it easy on me. i <3 jeff! haha. then i went home. natasia canceled on me, and it was freezing and i wasnt feeling well so i refused to leave the condo. and so i was bored and lorenzo was bored so he came on over and we watched snatch and had a jolly good time lol.
sunday was a day for champions. katie and i wanted to go see juno, so we convinced my mom to bring us (mainly so we wouldnt have to pay, bc were bitches, but at least now my mom wont say we never hang out). first we had dinner at wimpys (mmmmmm sooo good) and then went to see the most wonderful movie. unfortunately its fairly short. but omg, the soundtrack is fucking amazing. this movie introduced me to the magnificent kimya dawson, and the moldy peaches (who incidentally includes kimya). but like, omfg. SOOOO good. the song anyone else but you has taken over my life. i cant stop listening. the most adorable lyrics. and its not even that its super sweet (which it is) but its also soooo original. ok, ill stop kvelling. the movie was amazing though. really cute and all the actors did a fabulous job. i didnt even know jason bateman and jennifer garner were in it! lol. i think everyone should watch it. so sweet and original and adorable lol. i know, i dont have many adjectives. but its more than good so go watch, lmao. i knew id love it when i saw the trailer and she said bleeker was the "cheese to my macaroni" <--cutest line EVER.
ok, ill relax now. this post is sooo long. i cant help it though. this class is three hours long and ive only been here for an hour =(. hmmm...i bought some nick hornby books before we went to the movies on sunday (i got About a Boy and How to be Good) so maybe i shall read.
apparently we will be watching a movie at some point during todays lecture so until then i can read.
argh, i just figured out i have my accounting exam next week. i am soooo unprepared. i need to somehow get out of this. or...study my ass off for the next week. xp blech. ok, this is long enough. toodles

So, i am sitting here, watching the videos from the Noble Truth's show at Reilly's from Saturday night and procrastinating even more. I should be studying for my philosophy exam which is tomorrow night, but just like the past two days ive found other things to occupy my time, lol, which apparently includes listening to nik express how he wishes to be AJ from bsb, haha. <3 but yea! i havent written in here forever! ive been kinda hermit-esque lately, what with easter and exams. in all honesty i have this idea that if i dont talk to anyone then i might actually study...however, this entry alone proves that theory wrong, lol. but i actually wokle up at 9am this morning, so thats a huge deal for me =D hahaha i dont usually wake up before noon. i thought id write my response and get some studying in. well, i did write my response (the only reason was because it was yet another rant on womens place in society, lol) but now i wanna take a shower because i dont want to think about philosophy and i have to leave in a couple hours for my moms place. usually i wouldnt have to leave until like 3pm, but i wanna see paul today and he starts work at 3, so i wanna get to my moms around 2. woot woot to 45mins of fun! lol. its great...im so distracted from everything and ill do anything rather than studying, but i have yet to water the stupid plant judy gave my dad for easter haha. its his stupid plant, he can water it...i mean he wont, and im technically watching it die since its right in front of the computer, but whatever. i think its pretty much dead already. haha ok, well this is pointless, and the song i was downloading is finally done, so i shall listen while i shower and then watch the rest of the Noble Truths show =D haha it was super kickass saturday and im excited to see it through the eyes of my long time true love linda <3

for the first time in a while i got some decent sleep last night. =D got home around 7pm from class...decided to "take a nap" around 8 and slept right through until 8:30 this morning!! haha it was brilliant!! some other ppl i know should try sleeping ;) anyhow...i had to post the funniest dream ive ever had. (i guess excessive sleep agrees with the funnier things in my brain) ok...

so the stage is dark. its some huge event...everyone in the audience is wearing designer gowns and tuxedos and stuff. the lights slowly come up on the stage, and standing center stage is this gorgeous diva singer (it wasnt any well known diva...i just knew she was a diva bc it was my dream..so shad ap!). shes dressed in a gorgeous light blue jewelled gown and shes pouring her heart and soul into the song shes singing. and then i realized what the song was.................wait for it...................fuck her gently by tenacious d.

greatest thing ever

wow..i havent updated in a really long time. i guess its cuz nothing much has really changed...at least nothing i really care to type about haha. the BNL concert came and went and was absolutely amazing...but along with it came a pretty big look at life. it was just weird to see just how much everything had changed since the last time i saw them perform a year before. ive been awfully nostalgic and there are two individuals i really miss more than anything. one of them i know ive truly lost. she was always a shit load of fun and i still love her. she was always there for me when i needed her and id like to think i was there for her. friends for such a damn long time and everything changed so fucking quickly. i know she doesnt think im even close to the same person i was when we were friends...maybe im not...and so the friendship is lost. whats weird is that i lost a lot of friends when i lost her..and yet it only seems to sting when i think about her. i guess i just thought we were closer is all. oh well.
the other person knows i miss him. i have absolutely no idea how we stopped being friends. i know we didnt talk as often, but it had nothing to do with him. it was just so weird. ive heard various reasons why he decided to block me from msn and disregard our friendship...none of which i really understand. it kills me tho. i guess bc this whole yr i would have done ne thing for the guy...prolly still would if hed ask. i dunno if ne one else misses him like i do...i havent asked, lol. i just keep wondering how i went from spending almost every single day this summer with the guy to not seeing or talking to him at all. i wonder how he could just drop everything so easily. and i wonder why it bugs me soo damn much when he told me more or less that it would happen. o well.
on top of reminiscing about the past ive also been uber stressed about my future. i dont know what the fuck im doing with myself. i feel like im wasting time and money in university. im not really learning anything productive and since i dont even know what i want to do its not like im building to a BA or ne thing that im gonna need. i feel like im just going through the motions and im freaked out bc i know that soon the motions will be over and ill need to find a job and make decisions and money and move out and whatnot. but ive never known anything except following the motions, so how the fuck am i gonna survive in the real world? i dont even know what id like to do. most ppl have goals or dreams or something...something they want to accomplish,even if its something unattainable. i dont have any of it. i thought i did, but now im questioning everything. i barely know who i am right now, how the fuck am i supposed to know who i want to be in the future?! and everyones trying to help..trying to set me up in the right direction, but im so scared of fucking up that im scared to commit to anything. i just feel so lost. why cant humans hibernate in the winter?!

hayy! i cant believe january's almost gone! it just kinda flew by. so its like 3am and i just finished my history essay a little while ago. im so tired, but im not ready for bed yet. i hate this stage. when your brain is still frantically going a mile a minute, but the rest of you is just like "stop fucking thinking and sleep goddammit!" o well..i shall write nonsensically until im ready to sleep, haha. the barenaked ladies concert is quickly approaching and im ever so excited. i still dont have the new cd, but thats because ive been bombarded with amazing music lately...well amazing to me, which isnt saying much, as nik can vouch for, lol. i FINALLY got mellon collie and the infinite sadness for my birthday from paul which ive been listening to like crazy. how i do love that album. always have, always will. and i also go stop the clocks by oasis from my dad for xmas...and ive always wanted an oasis greatest hits cd, so when smashing pumpkins arent in my cd player, its oasis. then of course theres my new-found obsession with justin timberlake. i never really saw the big deal with him until i watched alpha dog. funny thing is i didnt want to see it simply because he was in it...but he ended up making that movie for me. craaaazy. lol..well..not really. anyhow...things have been aiight. ive been keeping busy. went shopping for the first time in a while. there was a sale at bluenotes, which is a major thumbs up on this end, lol. i should probably stop shopping and actually get a job. i want cinema1 to call me back. working at vaughan mills would suck in terms of transportation (as i loathe the yrt) but at the very least id be closer to my friendlies, work in the same building as my darling lisa, work across the hall from hot anth and my cousin amanda and to top it all off i wouldnt work nearly as late as i used to at the theater! oo not to mention being surrounded by movies all day! i want this job! lol. well...i guess ill just have to wait and see. anyhow..im finally tired and i have to wake up early tomorrow to bring my sister to york with me. i gotta go all the way to maple to grab her and jump on another bus. aie carumba! i cannot spell. haha. mmm sleep <3